Life Lanes

Sometimes, it is the seemingly very ordinary activity or incident in life that makes you realize the passage of time, reversal of roles and inheritance of familial traits. 

 I am not very good at crossing streets. I blame my lack of experience for my incompetence. When my mother and I decided to join the Quran classes at a nearby masjid, we loved the opportunity of also benefiting from the early morning walks, as a result. But on that 10 minutes journey was our everyday hurdle that needed crossing – literally – double-lane, two way busy streets. Everyday we would squabble over when exactly it was ‘right’ to cross.

“Now! Come on.”

“No, wait! That car is too fast.”

“Oh, we could have managed. It would’ve slowed-down for us.”

“Well, we can’t take such chances.”

Such were our routine roadside disputes.

 Then, one day I took the reins of control and her hand in mine and moved forward. When we reached the road-divider, I shifted sides and hands to face the oncoming traffic. It was at that odd moment in time, standing sandwiched between two busy roads, did a realization dawn on me and left me with questions. Wasn’t it yesterday that Ihad closed my eyes and relied on my mother’s judgement to take me forward? Today I was leading her forward and she was trusting my decision. When did the follower and leader exchange places? And how was that transition so smooth and silent that we didn’t even realize we had eased into our new roles and accepted the others’?

 Changes happen with time but we hardly realize its passage. As I walked rest of the way, I envisioned leading my children across some street one day. And surely with the blink of the eye, they would one day hold my hand and escort me. I would, once again be led. Once more, I would experience a role reversal.    

 ***

It is said that the mother’s sister is the next closest relative of a woman. Perhaps because we inherit characteristics from our aunts too – in more ways than we realize! My eldest aunt has had road-crossing incidents to fill a book. She once stood with her family to cross a busy street. When there was an opening, though a tight one, they promptly crossed over. My aunt remained frozen in her spot unable to gather the courage to go. The family waited on the other side, signalling her to move but she did not thaw. Finally, she hailed a rickshaw and asked to be dropped on the other side. Over the years, we have teased her over that episode.

***

 Little did I know that history will repeat itself and teach me a lesson along the way. I had to visit a friend after my class so I hitched a ride with a colleague. She dropped me in front of my friend’s house, but across the street.

‘No problem. I’ll cross,’ I told her, without realizing the obstacle that awaited me. Three lanes, heavy traffic and no pedestrian-crossing – there was just no way to cross safely. For fifteen minutes I made desperate futile attempts. Then, with resignation and embarrassment I telephoned my friend to describe the scenario outside her house. She came over and picked me up in her car.

 I didn’t tell my family about it. But next time my aunt is teased about her road-crossing experience; she’ll have a sympathetic niece to defend her.     

 

The Relationship Bank Account

   ****The Relationship Bank Account***

Growing up, what pushed my mom’s hot button was when I’d forget to take out the garbage. Too often, on Friday mornings, I’d hear Mom screaming: “Sean, get your rear end out of bed! I can hear the garbage truck coming and you forgot the garbage – again!” Eventually, she resorted to posting reminder notes on everything – the door, the fridge, the vanity, my pillow. “SEAN. DO THE GARBAGE OR DIE!”
I also learned ways to get on Mom’s good side. Mom just loved it when I’d get good grades. She’d stick my report card up on the walls for all her friends to see and would brag, brag, brag. She also loved it when I’d help do the dishes or carry the groceries in. That’s how I made up for all those missed garbage runs and kept our relationship in the plus column.
The amount of trust you have in a relationship is like a checking account at a bank. I call it the Relationship Bank Account or RBA. If you make lots of small deposits by being thoughtful, loyal, and other such things, you’ll develop high trust, or high RBA. When it comes to your parents, how’s your RBA? If $1,000 represents a strong relationship with your parents, how much have you deposited? Is there really $1,000 in the bank or is it more like $500? Perhaps you’re down around $0 or are overdrawn at -$1,000. Whatever your situation, the formula is the same: You build a relationship a deposit at a time.
Here are five deposits that seem to work well with parents. Of course, with every deposit, there’s an opposing withdrawal.

Deposits                                           Withdrawals
Understand what’s important to them           Assume you know
Tell the truth                                                 Lie and cover up
Sense the need and do it                               Wait until you’re told
Remember the little things                            Forget the little things
Open up                                                        Close yourself off
Use the most important words                      Avoid the most important words

 

Source:
“The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make” – Sean Covey, pp. 130-131