Like Pearls on a Broken String

There was heavy uncomfortable silence in the room. Offering condolences is never easy. I sat quietly with my gaze fixed on the carpet motif. Infront of me was the mother of the deceased – a 26 yrs old only son. She was a woman who is memorizing the Quran & had so far preserved 1/3 of the Book in her heart. I wanted (& hoped) to see the impact of this Quran in her response to her loss. And, as expected, mashaAllah, she was a picture of composure & patience.

I couldn’t offer any solace. No words seemed suitable enough to encompass the magnitude of her loss or the gravity of her pain. I imagined what she must be going through & tears trickled down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them discreetly but, perhaps, was unsuccessful. She passed me the tissue box on the table. No, this isn’t right! I’m supposed to comfort her. Not the other way round. I disliked the fact that I had no control over my emotions. Had to do something to stop the tears. I took a deep breath and forced my mind to think of something different and totally unrelated. I wondered at the traffic noise that was occasionally filtering in through the open balcony. Alhumdullilah, I found poise again.

She mentioned about the righteousness of her son. She described how happy he was with his newly-married status, his prestigious job as a pilot of the international airlines, his various humanitarian projects… He seemed to be the golden boy of their large extended family. He was loved by all. Yet, at the peak of his health & life, he died suddenly of a heart attack. She reminded us, and herself of how we are constantly making long elaborate plans and how, Allah is making different plans for us. HIS plans prevail.

On my drive back that night, death, naturally, was on my mind. Yes, we know we’ll die one day, but we really don’t think of ‘that day’ being anywhere around the corner. ‘We aren’t old yet,’ whispers the soul to fool us. But when we witness the passing away of a person our age (or younger), that foolish supposition gets a good earth-shaking jolt.

                                                   * * * * * * * *

The first time this realization hit me was at the news of the death of a class-mate, four years after leaving high school. Later that year, we had a class reunion party at someone’s place. The excited girls had so much to share & inform each other, to fill the gaps of the years since we all parted. There were gay announcements of someone’s engagement; another was eagerly planning her grand wedding; some boasted of career and promotions; one shared the pain of a miscarriage and others looked forward to starting their medical practice soon. We talked of how many of us made it to that party. The others were missed because they were now based in other countries.

Then, all of a sudden, someone mentioned her. A painful silence enveloped the room. A while later, someone broke the silence by narrating the good times she spent with her in class. But, suddenly, for the first time in our lives, we had all become acutely aware of our mortality. She was one of us. She was like us. She spent the countless days in school with us, experiencing the same moments of work and play as we did. Yet, she was in a different realm now. ‘She could have been me,’ was the thought that probably passed in each one’s mind. After all, a healthy, lean 21 yrs old girl is not expected to die suddenly of heart failure.

We learned from her close friend that after leaving school she had enrolled for an Islamic studies course along with her medical school. Allah guided her at a time when most of us – her classmates – were heedless. She underwent a seachange. At the time of her death, she had been a conscientious practicing person.

Before leaving, we looked at our school group-photo. Like a string of pearls, the beaming youthful faces, side by side, stood gazing back at us. We prayed for her – the missing one among us.

It will soon be 10 yrs since she passed away. I believe Allah loves her, for it is indeed strange, otherwise, that every time I sit to make dua, she enters my thoughts, and I can’t help but pray for her. It is Allah Who instills her remembrance in my mind & it is HE who makes me do dua for her so often. I’m sure countless people must be praying for her through Allah’s Will.     

The string has already been cut. One pearl has slipped out. The rest will soon scatter, unable to hold on to that flimsy thread. It’s not a matter of ‘when’. It’s not a matter of ‘who’ next. The important question is: “Have I earned HIS Love? Would HE inspire others to pray for me after I’m gone?”   

The Drop Withheld

Fine mist covers all inner crevasses & chambers, shimmering like tiny studded crystals.

A tremor is registered. Too minor for the exteriors. But in the inner quarters, the jolt is earth-shaking.

The tremble dislodges the gems of shimmering vapors.  Gathering size & strength, the displaced specks inch towards a determined direction. They scale the summit, unified and potent. A drop is born.

Lingering precariously between the weak dark barriers of the summit, it daringly peaks out.

Like an upset & angry child, seeking to punish his mother by hurting himself, the rebellious drop defiantly stands at the precipitous edge and threatens to leap.

You hold your breath and freeze in your tracks. You stifle the urge to stretch your arms out to hold him back. You can’t take the risk of scaring him. You look pleadingly at him. You try to convince. You tell him that he will be okay. His brows relax. You try to cajole. You tell him that we will be okay. His expression softens. You try to persuade. You tell him that we have a Care-Taker. He bows his head slightly.

His pain slowly lessens. His steps recede.

You tell him that our Care-Taker is the best Disposer of our affairs. 

“حسبنا الله ونعم الوكيل “      

“Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).” *

 Realizing his mistake & ashamed of his behavior, he walks slowly back to you. You close your eyes in relief.

You saved your precious drop.

You reserved it to call upon with, your Wakeel.

                             ……………………………………………………………………………………………

* (Quran 3:173)

 Al-Wakeeel (The Disposer of Affairs, the One Who is relied upon)

The One Who has the responsibility to dispose the affairs of the creation in accordance with His Knowledge, perfect Power and all-encompassing Wisdom. The One who looks after His friends and makes the good easy for them, preserves them from the evil and suffices for them in all of their affairs. Therefore the one who takes Him as One to be relied upon, He suffices him, “Allaah is the Friend of those who believe, He guides them from the darknesses into the light.”

  “Such is Allaah your Lord! None has the right to be worshipped but He, the Creator of all things. So worship Him Alone, and He is the Disposer of all affairs.” (6:102)

“And put your trust in Allaah, and Allaah is Sufficient as a Disposer of Affairs.” (39:62)